I just watched my oldest son check himself back into a drug detox program at the hospital yesterday. I told him he was not welcome back at home until he had been sober for 6 months. I am hoping he will apply to the Salvation Army residential program, but if not, he will be homeless or in jail. I have no idea how I am going to uphold this edict, after all, he is my oldest child, my first born. I would give my life for my kids.
He is sick, he has the disease of addiction. Perhaps one of the worst illnesses I can think of for a parent to watch their child endure. It is against all logic as a parent to not help a sick child, but this is a disease that flies against the face of logic. When someone is sick with cancer, or some other illness, they take the steps necessary to save their life if at all possible. They would move heaven and earth to find a cure and many endure horrific treatments in search of a cure. With addiction, the response to the illness is not logical, it is absurd and crazy to an outsider. It also means as a parent that the natural instinct to save and protect your child becomes toxic to that child and to the rest of the family. It sounds so easy to say "just quit, stop using!" but to an addict, it is the hardest thing to accomplish.
He has told me many times that I just don't understand how hard this is for him. He is right, I have no idea and I hope I never fully understand. I wonder if he knows how hard it is for me as his mother to watch him slip away to a "bad choice?" I have been trying to help him for over 3 years now and it is now time to try and different approach. I have no idea if I will be able to stand by my conviction and watch him hit rock bottom if that is where this leads but I have to stay strong and try because there is so much at stake. I will continue to love him, I will help pay for his treatment if I can, but I will no longer allow him to manipulate me using my love for him as his bargaining chip. Ryan is worthy of my love and he is worth saving, but he has to now love and save himself or relapse will be too easy.
{{{Hugs}}}
ReplyDelete-Stacey
More hugs! No goal can be more worthwhile than saving your child, but it's so hard to save him from himself, because you're fighting and protecting all at once. There must be lots of support out there, I hope you're tapping into it.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing the right thing. You are not worth a darn to yourself or others if you are always caught up in someone else's problems. This is a very tough path, and you are talking a good game. God speed.
ReplyDeleteAny advice on how I stick to my convictions? I am really falling apart. He is getting released likely on Monday and he is talking about living in a tent in the woods. Why is doing the right thing so hard?
DeleteMy heart goes out to you in this difficult struggle to help your son. Are there any parent support groups in our area? I am the parent of a daughter who had major adolescent issues that were not drug related. I did find a lot of support in speaking to others who were facing similar struggles. I think that our job as parents is often to help our children survive the issues of their adolescent brains. My daughter is now 22, a wife and a mother and doing wonderfully. But, I remember that I wondered if she would survive her dangerous behavior. You are doing the right thing with your son, but not allowing his addiction to be a part of your household. Maybe, living in a tent would not be so bad for him right now as long as he is not using. Take care of yourself and your other kids and husband as best you can. I found that prayer helped, if that is something you could cling onto. Do they have Alanon type groups for families of drug users? Ask the employee health dept at your work if there are resources in this area?
DeleteI will keep you and your family in my prayers!